The Leader You Think You Are vs. The Leader You Actually Are: How Behavioral Data Closes the Gap

August 12, 2026

Published in:

Leadership & Management

EO member leaders discuss business strategy in a classroom setting. — Photo by Entrepreneurs' Organization

Some of the growth at my previous company happened in spite of me, not because of me. That’s a hard sentence to write, but it is true.

My father ran his company for over three decades. Revenue flatlined at $20 million USD for more than a decade, and his leadership style was simple: yell, curse, pay people as little as possible, and throw them out when they stopped doing what he wanted. After pursuing me for five years to take over, I agreed, but with ground rules. Leadership and culture would change. He pushed back hard. His exact words: “You can try your hippy dippy crap in Austin, but when it fails, you have to do things my way.”

It did not fail. I was able to 4X the company from $20 million to $80 million USD, and the only thing that fundamentally changed was culture. We built real values, hired and fired by them, and created an environment where people wanted to show up.

Why Success Made Me Blind

And that success made me blind. I came in seeing myself as the opposite of my dad, strong and assertive but not a dictator, the kind of leader who paints a big vision and gives people freedom to execute. But two things were happening that I missed entirely.

"The more successful you have been, the harder your leadership blind spots can be to see."

— Jason P. Carroll

I was steamrolling, walking into rooms with the answer already formed and not hearing anyone’s ideas. And the long leash I thought was empowering was leaving people stranded, because my team needed direction and accountability, not just a big vision.

I thought I was being the kind leader. Turns out, the kindest thing I could have done was give people clear expectations and hold them to it. My dad’s “hippy dippy” line stung at the time, but he wasn’t completely wrong about my blind spot.

How Behavioral Data Opened My Eyes

I didn’t see any of this until I saw the data. When we started using psychometric tools, I discovered a core assumption I had operated under for years was flat wrong. I believed nobody wants to be told what to do, because that is how I’m wired. Give me rigid instructions and I will push back and find a new job. So, I assumed everyone felt the same, but the data showed the opposite. Most people prefer clear instruction and want to be held accountable, and I had lumped accountability and micromanagement into the same bucket when they are very different if done well.

That was the moment I realized how wide the gap can be between the leader you think you are and the leader you actually are. And in my experience, the more successful you have been, the harder that gap is to see.

The Caricature Problem

Here is a pattern I see constantly through my work at Aptive Index: A founder operating at 100 miles an hour expects everyone to match that pace, and when they can’t, the leader starts forming a fixed picture of each person, a caricature built on disappointment rather than understanding. Once that image hardens, every interaction filters through it and the relationship spirals.

We are all wired this way. When we encounter ambiguity in someone’s behavior, we close the circuit by making the easiest assumption available, and that assumption almost always comes from our own perspective. Objective behavioral data breaks this pattern by taking interpretation out of the equation, so instead of guessing why someone operates the way they do, you can see the drives behind their behavior and lead them accordingly.

Red Flags and Index Cards

Once I understood this, I started making changes that were almost embarrassingly practical. I gave every executive team member a red flag on a wooden stick. Each quarter, they got one, and when they raised it, I had to shut up and listen. Whatever we were doing stopped until they had finished speaking and asked for my feedback. It was a powerful correction against my tendency to barrel forward before people even voiced disagreement.

In meetings, the loudest voice usually wins, and most often that was me. I started passing out index cards, had everyone write down their answer, and read their responses before opening discussion.

The data also showed how some people are verbal processors who thrive in brainstorming, while others need time and space before they can bring their best thinking. So before key meetings, I started sending emails laying out the topics and my initial thinking, giving people a chance to process and push back in writing before we sat down together.

"Most of us would rather call ourselves self-aware than actually measure it. Until you measure it, you are leading blind."

— Jason P. Carroll

None of these changes required me to become a different person. They required me to stop assuming everyone thinks the way I do and to build systems that gave people what they actually needed.

Why Leaders Resist This

If the path to better leadership is this practical, why do so many leaders avoid it? Because seeing the data means admitting that your behaviors have caused harm. That the way you have been leading has had consequences you never intended.

The brain takes a shortcut here. When we see a behavior that is not working, the easiest conclusion is an identity statement: I steamroll, so I must be a bad leader. I can’t delegate, so I must be a difficult person. Those conclusions trigger shame, and shame makes people dig in rather than change.

I think about it like a field of tall grass. We walk the same neural pathway over and over because the grass is beaten down from hundreds of trips. Data shows you that path might not be the best one. But choosing a different route means hacking through tall grass, doing it again the next day, and again the day after that, until the new path is worn in and the old one grows over.

That is hard work. And most of us would rather call ourselves self-aware than actually measure it. Until you measure it, you are leading blind.

Contributed to EO by Jason P. Carroll, a serial entrepreneur and founder of Aptive Index, an AI-powered behavioral assessment platform that helps companies hire, build teams, and develop self-aware leaders — and where Joe Wargo (EO Pacific Diamond Bridge) serves as a strategic advisor.