Your Kids or Your Company? A Therapist-CEO's Test for Making the Hardest Choice

October 6, 2026

Published in:

Entrepreneurial Well-Being

A close-up of a thoughtful woman contemplating a decision. — Photo by Entrepreneurs' Organization

I have missed birthday lunches with my kids at school, theater performances, music recitals, and award ceremonies. I have missed camping trips and horseback riding lessons. On plenty of nights, I have missed the smallest moments too: Reading a bedtime story, helping with homework, tucking someone in.

Maybe your list looks different, but if you are a founder with people you love at home, I bet you have one.

I have worked as a licensed psychotherapist for nearly two decades, and today I lead two mental health companies in North Carolina with more than 40 employees. I know better. Still, the pull between my business and my family is one of the hardest things I navigate as a leader.

In my therapy room and in my own life, I keep seeing the same pattern: Much of the anxiety founders carry comes from a gap between what they value and how they actually operate, and sometimes from values that pull against each other.

You Can't Silo Your Values

Many of us learned to keep a personal self and a professional self. That split rarely holds for entrepreneurs, because your business follows you to the dinner table, onto vacation, and into your 2 a.m. thoughts. When the person running the company makes choices the person at home would not stand behind, something gives, and it's usually your peace of mind.

"When the person running the company makes choices the person at home would not stand behind, something gives, and it's usually your peace of mind."

— Chantal Hayes, EO Raleigh Durham

Clinically, this is familiar ground. Values work sits at the center of evidence-based therapies such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. In my experience, drifting from what you care about most often shows up as restlessness, dread, irritability, or a sense that no achievement is ever enough.

When My Own Values Collide

I have often worked until 3 a.m. Most of those missed moments happened because I was traveling for work or sitting in a meeting that felt too important to skip.

Part of me values that drive. I grew up in a single-mom home. My dad was a successful businessman, and I watched my mom work as a teacher struggling to make ends meet. I wanted my kids to see a strong, high-performing woman who could make things happen on her own.

I also value humility, honesty, family, and togetherness. I want my kids to learn that it is okay to need help, and to let people love and care for them. Those values don't always sit comfortably beside the first set, and the space between them is where I have lost a lot of sleep. Do I miss something with my kids, or something with the business?

I don't have a simple equation for that, for me or for you. What helps is going back to my values, my own therapist, and my EO Forum. I also lean on a question I think of as “The 90-Year-Old Test.” It is my everyday version of maranasati, the Buddhist practice of contemplating death to see clearly what matters most.

I picture myself at 90, if I'm lucky, looking back at exactly this season: My mid-40s, thriving businesses, and a husband and three kids at home. Then I ask what she would tell me to do. She has kind, wise eyes and decades of perspective. She almost always knows the answer.

"Nobody else can tell me what my 90-year-old self would choose. Only I can answer that for me, and only you can answer it for yourself."

— Chantal Hayes, EO Raleigh Durham

This past summer, I tried to live by her wisdom. I had planned for a long time to take my family away for those months, because I had been putting work first for too long. Right before we left, we had a key staffing change and a stretch of hard things in the business. I had to decide whether to stay.

I delegated more than I ever had, and we went. That was its own lesson in letting people help.

It was not a clean break. My husband and I run the business together, so we both got pulled back in. One day, while friends and family we had not seen in years spent the day walking through vineyards, eating and laughing together, the two of us stayed behind to do interviews and meetings all day. I was irritable and resentful. Some nights I still worked until 3 a.m., then got up for an 8 a.m. museum trip with the kids.

I also got mornings at a little village market, buying fresh baguettes and local cheese with my kids. We wandered cobblestone streets, noticed things, laughed, asked questions, and worked through hard problems together as a family. For a lot of those hours, I truly disconnected. It was a trade-off.

Nobody else can tell me what my 90-year-old self would choose. Only I can answer that for me, and only you can answer it for yourself.

4 Ways to Lead from Your Values

Name them once, for your whole life. Write down three to five values that hold true at home and at work. If your company's core values are not ones you would live by personally, pay attention to that.
Ask your 90-year-old self. Before a hard decision, picture yourself at 90 looking back on this moment, and ask what that wiser version of you would choose. Tough calls can pass this test, as long as you make them from a place you can stand behind.
Treat recurring anxiety as information. When a decision or relationship keeps you up at night, ask which of your values it is bumping against. Anxiety has many causes, and sometimes it points straight at a misalignment you have been avoiding.
Get a licensed therapist in your corner. Your Forum is a gift, and a licensed psychotherapist adds clinical training to help you see what drives you, where your values came from, and the blind spots you can't see from inside your own life. Look for one experienced with founders and high performers.

The Mark We Leave

I doubt my 90-year-old self will remember those interviews, but I know she will remember those mornings walking down cobblestone streets to buy bread and cheese with my kids. We are not here very long. The question of what mark you want to leave deserves your attention. Mental health is the root system for everything else. Without it, we can't show up for our teams, our families, or ourselves.

This World Mental Health Day, try one small check-in. Picture yourself at 90, looking back at this exact season of your life, and ask what that version of you would want you to protect. If the answer stings, treat it as useful information rather than failure. Bring it back to your values, and bring it to someone trained to help you sort through it.

Contributed to EO by Chantal D. Hayes, MA, LCMHC-S, who is an EO Raleigh Durham chapter member and the founder and CEO of Banyan Integrated Health and Banyan Tree Counseling & Wellness in North Carolina, which ranked No. 2185 on the 2026 Inc. 5000.

Additional posts of interest: